I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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