Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
