Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
