I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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