Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
PANTIES FOUND
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
