fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
