Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
