help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
