You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
