my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
