READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
