My friends, they love my intelligence
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize