Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
