Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
