So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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