I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
