what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize