i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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