It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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