my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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