We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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