I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
