my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
