Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
