I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
