Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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