when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
