Kiss
Puke
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just invented taco cereal.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
