You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
