dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I want to be your penis for a week.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
