i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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