You're completely useless in the revolution.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
