i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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