There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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