i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
