fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
