She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize