So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
