finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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