You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dick very happy bro
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
