birth control should be required to get into college
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
