I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
