Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
