So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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