I feel great
I just peed on a car
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
