can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
