what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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