NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
