did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
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