just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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