Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
