just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
