I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
