everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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