I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
