the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
