The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
