He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize