Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
