so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The ass gains better be worth it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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