Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
worst night to have a conscience
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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