i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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