I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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