we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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