he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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