she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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