porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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