i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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