Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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