I could make wine with my vomit
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
