Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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