I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
