my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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