i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
