no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am spending my child support on dildos
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
