Need sex. Gaining weight.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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