sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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