ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
